a series of unfortunate events (is it obvious I hear the Lemony Snicket Audio books?) has led me to some thinking. I and my regular readers know that Iam far from perfect. Both as a private person and a model, but my intentions are allways the best. I rant sometimes :-)
I try to be kind even when I do not get kindness back. I reach out my hands in peace, but from somewhere out there comes a cosmic ruler and hits my fingers. Ouch! I look at this with surprise as it is senseless.
Sometimes, when someone hurts you or me, time heals and we are able to forgive. But the deal is: We can´t really forgive with all our heart when our counterpart isn´t regretting. Now my problem is that I do not want to hate anybody. To me hate is like poison. And I cannot understand when people that were mean and unfair to ME do not even take MY forgiveness. Worse: Attack me for me trying to forgive and beeing kind. And exactly THIS has happened recently. An attack for getting luggage off my back that someone loaded on me. Iam fortunate to say that there are few people with that I have problems anyway, but those lay on me like a burden.
But this is the dark side of it. Not everyone is like that. Some people are more reasonable. And we can talk like normal human beeings after some time passed and have no bad feelings anymore. And in the end we may not become friends, but we get along and respect each other. I think this is reasonable and a good developement.
Bitterness is a bad thing, but we all have it somewhere hidden inside us and we do not want it to take over and make us a akward person. Possibly it is too late for those that can´t even say that they are sorry? Maybe they are already so hard inside that they just look at people like me with sarcasm and even hate. They may try to hide that behind a mask of faked kindness cause convention tells them to. Maybe they think one of my kind is stupid for trying. Or they are scared of someone like that. I try hard to respect that, but I can´t respect them no matter how much I try.
But you know what? I´m a idealist! I´m a softie! And yes, probably I´m god damn naive, BUT I will stay exactly the way Iam. If you hurt me it´ll just bounce off and hit you instead because you miss a chance. Ok, it´ll hurt me a bit, too, but the major damage is within you. Honestly many of the things I´ll experience will add some more white hairs to my head. But I´ll try to see it positive: Once it´s all white I can stop to colour it and have a silver-white mane that never needs to have the roots touched up. :-D
I´m sorry for such a boring entry, but I had had to get rid of it. Another way to get rid of bitterness is not to deny it.
I´m not religious. But do you think there exist something like heaven? If there is, I imagine it to be like a good, lovely, universal hug. But we can´t be sure there´s heaven. Why not try to make it on earth? It is in our hands.
My dear, I will stay the best I can be. Allways. Promised. This is my new year resolution 2010
- Retro Model Sari
- Duesseldorf, NRW, Germany
- Iam a German 40s/50s/60s Pin up Girl, Retro Addict and Weirdo. I love make up, to craft, do photoshootings and collect vintage clothes/ lingerie. In my blog you can read all about it, mashed up with my thoughts about fashion/styling.