:-(

We will have to cancel our vacation alltogether because we can´t pay the rebookment. The website says you can only pay it via bank-account if you change booking less than 10 days in advance and otherwise just with a credit-card. I don´t even know someone with a credit-card I think?! In Germany only the rich ones and wealthy business men have it and I don´t really hang out with rich ones and wealthy business men :-( If no wonder happens I have to cancel it all tonight.

My grandpa and my great-grandmother have been hiding all their saving at home!!! They must be insane! all the time different people are hired to live with them and take care of my great-grandmother Luise. Imagine they had just found and taken it. They wouldn´t have had ANYTHING LEFT! We want Luise to take the money and have a nice life for the rest of her time. She´ll turn 99 this year and as she probably has not that much time left anyway we want her to have all the comfort and luxury she can take for her last years. there is a last will leaving my grandfathers money all to me, my Mom and my aunt, but that will is from 1990 - a time when my grandfather never considered he might won´t survive his mother.

I think I went through all phases from crying, depression, calming down and hysterics in two days now. We head off to my family today and I´m quiet sure we will go through at least 3-5 days more of funeral stress and depression, topped by hanging out for another week at home. I really didn´t plan my vacation to be like that :-(

MY grandfather just died

My Mom called me half an hour ago to tell me my grandfather just died. 

So I´ll do the course tommorow (work is the best way to keep me not thinking of things, plus he was allways so proud of my pin up pics - he wouldn´t want me to cancel) and Sunday I´ll head off to home. I already talked to the lady that rents the apartment to us in Stockholm and she´s ok with us delaying a bit. We try to call the airport to delay it till after the funeral, too. 

I´m still in shock and try to think reasonable. The irony is that he was hypochondric and cried out "I get a heart-attack, I get a heart attack" at least once a day. The worst: My Mom and my aunt had a horrible fight with him just a few days ago and at least my Mom didn´t see him again after that. My great-grandmother (soon to be 99 years) lost her only child.

In Memorial of Paul - boy was he a playboy in his youth.



Mom will stay with my great-grandma tonight
 

Sometimes you got o listen to your heart

I have never had a moment before where I was in a coflict wether to model something or not cause I know what I want and I lnow what I don´t. However I was offered a shooting with a dead octopuss on my shoulder. I had seen fantastic photos of that before, however I´m totally against killing a animal - and than not eating it. So I asked the photographer if she´ll eat it afterwards and didn´t even get an answer back anymore. It´s just wrong in my oppinion.

Nature is eat and be eaten. Not to kill for fun. :-(

The pics the photographer makes would have been great for my port as she does very highfashion beauty portraits (like Vogue), but if I have to pay with a bad conscience I´m glad not to do it.

Yesterdays check-list and what I managed:
-photos for ebay
Done. Only the vintage corset, but the other things I thought over and decided not to sell as I don´t know if I´ll get a good price. It´s a dress from the 20s/30s and a dress t hat I think to be from 1910. However I didn´t have any nice display for them as they are too small for my duct-tape form. They wouldn´t have looked good and so wouldn´t have gotten a good price. I´ll have to give it some thought.

- more sewing on the yellow blouse
Done however it´s far from finished.... I also think about adding some white contrass as the skirt has (I make it to match a skirt I bought in Stockholm last year)

-buy food for the weekend
Done.

-Beauty Day
Not done. I took a bath, but was too tired to put on a face mask.

- test face make up for my shooting next week
Not done. That will be my mission for today! Basically I just got to see if I can make nice glitter ornaments without trouble.

- Refill my water-colour containers with lipstick
Is in progess. I just takes so long to wash out the colour. I probably finish that today.

- Eat only vegetables till the evening.
If you consider rice-crakers a vegetable it worked *lol* However I had a big salad. In the evening I went to buy a Döner though.

I also got to decide for a pic to take with me as I´ll have my hair-cut this Tuesday....